Monday, August 14, 2006

Still waiting

I'm losing my mind. It's been two weeks and I feel like I'm going completely crazy. I got a spanking last night for being mouthy but how can I help being grouchy when he's doing this to me? The thing about spankings is that they make the need bigger.

It started as a discussion where I was just telling him I didn't agree with keeping me on restriction for the whole month. I don't really think it's fair because he's just doing it to test me, not as a punishment or anything, and I don't deserve it for anything I did wrong. Anyways, I started out explaining my points but he wasn't really listening, or at least maybe he was listening but I could tell he wasn't going to change his mind no matter what I said and then I got kinda sassy and yelled a little bit and got sarcastic. That's when he took me upstairs and gave me a paddling.

The paddling was bad, bare bottom with the wooden paddle with the holes in it. I screamed my head off and bawled. After he was done he made me go in the corner with my panties down which is SOOO embarrassing, and then he made me go to bed and it wasn't even eight o'clock yet. I felt really sulky but not enough to open my mouth and say anything else to get me spanked again.

Then he went into the office and did some work with his office door open and left the bedroom door open too while I was in bed. I think he was doing that so he could peek and make sure I wans't touching myself in bed which I really really really REALLY wanted to do but I never really do that without his permission because when he caught me doing it one time he gave me a pussy strapping and I never EVER want to have that again.

Well, so August is only two weeks in and I think I'm going to go insane before it ends. If I start posting gibbrish in here you'll know why.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Welcome to August

Last night Daddy read my blog and he focused on the part that said,

"In fact I think I'd rather have a spanking every day for a month without restriction, than a whole month of restriction where I got no spankings because I was being perfectly well behaved."

After he read that he said that I could have a choice: either a month of restriction or a month of daily spankings. What a horrible choice. I actually cried when he told me I had to pick one because even though I said I would rather have the spankings, a whole month of daily spankings is just a prospect too awful to consider. A month of fun spankings, sexy spankings would be awesome, but that isn't what he's talking about. He's talking about a big old punishment spanking day after day after day for thirty-one days in a row. I thought about it a lot but I kind of knew right away that there was no way I could take 31 spankings. I mean, seriously, if I know I'm going to get spanked on any given day I'm totally nervous and on edge all day long thinking about it. Going through that for a whole month just isn't possible and I wish I wouldn't have said that in the first place.

So of course I ended up telling him that I'd rather have a month of restriction. I am sure that's what he wanted me to say and he smiled when I told him my choice and said he thought it was a good decision and hugged me and kissed me. So why am I so NOT happy about this?

Orgasm restriction isn't something we've done much of in the past. I mean, he always likes to tease me and make me wait until he says I can cum, but that usually just means later in a lovemaking session, not days or weeks or months later. He even lets me masturbate most of the time when I want to. I just have to ask his permission and be honest about it all. No problem. But thirty-one days???? I don't feel like I can do that, seriously.

I told Daddy that I was worried that it would be way too hard to do this and he told me that it was supposed to be hard and it was supposed to be like a test to see if I was obedient and could be trusted. Of course the underlying fact is that I know that if I am not obedient about something he has directly told me to do I will be severely punished.

I feel kind of dumb for being so upset about this. I mean, I know it's not like he's asking me not to eat for a month or something. I can live through it but I just don't want to! I guess it's greedy but I love having orgasms, as many as possible as often as possible! And up until now he's never shown any sign of wanting me to change that.

It's weird how when Daddy tells me that I can't do something I want it way more than I ever did before. Jeez, I mean I just got to cum yesterday and now suddenly since he told me what's happening I feel like I NEED to again right now. This is going to be the longest month ever.