Saturday, September 02, 2006

Monday, August 14, 2006

Still waiting

I'm losing my mind. It's been two weeks and I feel like I'm going completely crazy. I got a spanking last night for being mouthy but how can I help being grouchy when he's doing this to me? The thing about spankings is that they make the need bigger.

It started as a discussion where I was just telling him I didn't agree with keeping me on restriction for the whole month. I don't really think it's fair because he's just doing it to test me, not as a punishment or anything, and I don't deserve it for anything I did wrong. Anyways, I started out explaining my points but he wasn't really listening, or at least maybe he was listening but I could tell he wasn't going to change his mind no matter what I said and then I got kinda sassy and yelled a little bit and got sarcastic. That's when he took me upstairs and gave me a paddling.

The paddling was bad, bare bottom with the wooden paddle with the holes in it. I screamed my head off and bawled. After he was done he made me go in the corner with my panties down which is SOOO embarrassing, and then he made me go to bed and it wasn't even eight o'clock yet. I felt really sulky but not enough to open my mouth and say anything else to get me spanked again.

Then he went into the office and did some work with his office door open and left the bedroom door open too while I was in bed. I think he was doing that so he could peek and make sure I wans't touching myself in bed which I really really really REALLY wanted to do but I never really do that without his permission because when he caught me doing it one time he gave me a pussy strapping and I never EVER want to have that again.

Well, so August is only two weeks in and I think I'm going to go insane before it ends. If I start posting gibbrish in here you'll know why.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Welcome to August

Last night Daddy read my blog and he focused on the part that said,

"In fact I think I'd rather have a spanking every day for a month without restriction, than a whole month of restriction where I got no spankings because I was being perfectly well behaved."

After he read that he said that I could have a choice: either a month of restriction or a month of daily spankings. What a horrible choice. I actually cried when he told me I had to pick one because even though I said I would rather have the spankings, a whole month of daily spankings is just a prospect too awful to consider. A month of fun spankings, sexy spankings would be awesome, but that isn't what he's talking about. He's talking about a big old punishment spanking day after day after day for thirty-one days in a row. I thought about it a lot but I kind of knew right away that there was no way I could take 31 spankings. I mean, seriously, if I know I'm going to get spanked on any given day I'm totally nervous and on edge all day long thinking about it. Going through that for a whole month just isn't possible and I wish I wouldn't have said that in the first place.

So of course I ended up telling him that I'd rather have a month of restriction. I am sure that's what he wanted me to say and he smiled when I told him my choice and said he thought it was a good decision and hugged me and kissed me. So why am I so NOT happy about this?

Orgasm restriction isn't something we've done much of in the past. I mean, he always likes to tease me and make me wait until he says I can cum, but that usually just means later in a lovemaking session, not days or weeks or months later. He even lets me masturbate most of the time when I want to. I just have to ask his permission and be honest about it all. No problem. But thirty-one days???? I don't feel like I can do that, seriously.

I told Daddy that I was worried that it would be way too hard to do this and he told me that it was supposed to be hard and it was supposed to be like a test to see if I was obedient and could be trusted. Of course the underlying fact is that I know that if I am not obedient about something he has directly told me to do I will be severely punished.

I feel kind of dumb for being so upset about this. I mean, I know it's not like he's asking me not to eat for a month or something. I can live through it but I just don't want to! I guess it's greedy but I love having orgasms, as many as possible as often as possible! And up until now he's never shown any sign of wanting me to change that.

It's weird how when Daddy tells me that I can't do something I want it way more than I ever did before. Jeez, I mean I just got to cum yesterday and now suddenly since he told me what's happening I feel like I NEED to again right now. This is going to be the longest month ever.

Monday, July 31, 2006

A week and a day

Eight days, that was how long the restriction lasted and it was really REALLY difficult. Usually Daddy doesn't make me wait so long. Sometimes it seems like a long time when he makes me wait half an hour! He says that I behave better when I'm on restriction and that he would like to try and train me to go longer, and when I asked how long he meant by "longer" he said maybe he would like to see if I could go a whole month. To me that just seems cruel! In fact I think I'd rather have a spanking every day for a month without restriction, than a whole month of restriction where I got no spankings because I was being perfectly well behaved. It made me wonder if it's really true that I behave better when I'm on restriction. Maybe.

Anyway, Daddy finally decided it was time to let me off restriction last night after my bath. He washed me and powdered me and then he gave me lots of kisses and licks and some play-swats that were fun but not owie and then he made me lie still on the bed and told me he would let me cum as long as I didn't move the whole time he was touching me. That was really hard but I kept as still as I could. Every time I shifted even a little bit he would stop kissing my girl parts so it wasn't easy. When I did cum he held my legs still and I know I was LOUD because he laughed at me. Then after he snuggled me for a long time and then put me to bed, but first we talked about his idea of longer restrictions in the future. I told him I didn't like that idea and he said we would talk about it more later. I kind of felt sulky about that idea and I hope he doesn't decide to do it.

Daddy asked me if I trust him and if I ever don't want to be his little girl. And I told him the truth, that sometimes it's really hard because he makes me do things that are difficult, and sometimes really embarrassing and sometimes the spankings are way too painful! But also, the truth is that I love the way it feels to be taken care of even though some parts of it are hard, the whole experience is very very good. Daddy kissed me goodnight and said that he wanted me to remember that last part as much as I could. So if he decides to make me do something I really don't want to do then that is what I will try to focus on.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

another maintenance day

So today I got my maintenance as planned and it wasn't easy. Daddy was upset about the credit card fiasco as well as a couple of other little things mostly to do with acting grown up when I'm supposed to remember that I'm not really grown up with him. With him I'm still a little girl but sometimes I forget.

Anyways, I gotta spanking for the credit card thing, first over his lap with just his hand and then with the wooden spoon. I can't really tell you how much a wooden spoon spanking hurts if you've never had one, but I should say that I really think it's one of the very worst punishments going. The wooden spoon stings so much that when he spanks me with it I totally freak out and panic and scream my head off like I'm being murdered and Daddy has to make sure that all the windows are shut before he gives me one of those kind of spankings. Also when I get a wooden spoon spanking I can't help but thrash around a lot and so Daddy usually has to pin me down with his legs and hold my arms behind my back or else my hands get in the way and my fingers get whacked. It's a weird kind of spanking because it's almost all sting and no "thump" so when it's over my skin burns like crazy and then itches, but the next day there are rarely any marks at all. Sometimes I kinda like the marks, but if I need to be spanked harder with that horrible spoon to get them I think I'll pass. I HATE wooden spoon spankings.

Also today I was in diapers all day which is embarrassing. I really don't like it when I need to pee and Daddy won't let me use the toilet like a grown up. It's embarrassing to sit around in a damp diaper waiting for him to decide to change me and it's embarrassing to get wiped and powdered and all that stuff even though it's still kind of sweet and comforting at the same time. Sometimes being little is super confusing because the stuff I hate is the same stuff I really need to feel safe and happy and loved.

As well as getting the wooden spoon spanking for maintenance and diapers all day I also had to have a training session and that usually means bottom stretching for Daddy so that when he enters me from behind it won't be too difficult. Sooo a training session has to do with his fingers inside my bottom for a bit, and then a small plug for a little while and then the bigger plug at the end for a half hour, and then .... and then Daddy inside me. That isn't always easy but I'm glad he lets me build up to it. It's kind of like having to wear the reminder all night, but more intense. The reminder is a medium size for an extended period of time. Training is a faster graduation from small to bigger that I have to relax for and accept the best I can or else it really hurts.

Another thing is that I am on orgasm control for the weekend which means that I'm not allowed to climax when I want to. So when Daddy is penetrating my bottom I have to stop myself from climaxing even though I really really really want to. A big important rule in our house is that I'm not allowed to masturbate without Daddy's permission and so when I'm on orgasm restriction it means he's not letting me have that pleasure until he decides so. I think he will let me off restriction tomorrow night at the end of the weekend but I'm not positive because he didn't say so. The longest I've ever been on restriction was three weeks and it was SOOOO hard. (I've heard of people who do this for months at a time but I cannot imagine how they do that without going completely berzerk.) I find orgasm restriction really really difficult because after a spanking or a training session or anything like that I always feel like an orgasm is the next natural step. I mean, even though spankings and trainings HURT and are EMBARRASSING and stuff, they also still fill up my tummy and my girl parts with tickly butterflies that want an orgasm to set them free from tickling me. Keeping those butterflies inside me for a long time is really hard. So I'm feeling more than a little bit antsy and I'm hoping this round of restriction doesn't last long.

The good news is that Daddy didn't decide to give me an enema this time, something I always dread and sometimes happens during maintenance. And also the best part was that I didn't have to eat baby food today which he sometimes does when he's trying to teach me about remembering to be little and that makes me feel SICK. So the worst potential parts of maintenance didn't happen, and though the spanking was really really ouchie, it's over. So the only bad part is getting through the night in my diapers and not being allowed to touch myself or climax until he gives me permission. Diapers will be over in the morning and hopefully restriction will be over soon after that.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Looking ahead and Looking back

Friday at last. I'm glad the weekend is finally here because I'm tired and ready for a break. The only bad thing about weekends is that they're a chance to catch up on punishments that have been missed, maintenance that needs attending to, and maybe just a little bit too much of Daddy's undivided attention.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to get my maintenance and I'm kinda nervous because I haven't had it for awhile while we were on vacation so I'm a little scared it's going to be extra severe to make up for what's been missed. Also I know that Daddy isn't really in a good mood with me right now because I did something dumb. I was checking the VISA statement (we have a joint account) and I saw a charge for something in another city, so I got worried that someone might have stolen our credit card. I called Daddy at work and asked him to look at the online banking and see if he knew what it was. So he looked and said that he didn't know. So I called the bank and had our cards cancelled and now we won't get new ones for a little while until they come in the mail.

Anyways, this was dumb because about an hour later I suddenly figured out what the charge was. It was a UPS charge because I paid the UPS guy with my credit card when he delivered a package that came from that city. Duh. So Daddy isn't exactly happy that he has no credit card and for no good reason. I don't know if that's going to be part of what we talk about tomorrow but I do know that Daddy gets frustrated with my lack of organization when it comes to stuff like money, so I think probably it's going to come up.

Also I got a spanking and a "reminder" last night because I forget to hang up my keys on the key hook by the door. I keep losing my car keys and my house key, and so Daddy finally put up this cute little key holder by the door to hang our keys on so they don't get lost, but I'm having trouble getting used to it. Daddy said there's no "three strikes" on this one. One warning was it, and then the second time I forgot (yesterday) I got a major paddling. And then I had to wear the reminder for the rest of the night. The reminder is my bottom plug and it doesn't feel so good when it stays in for a long time ... but it sure helps you remember stuff. *sigh*

Thursday, July 13, 2006

summer holidays

I didn't write for a long time AGAIN. It's a good thing this isn't on my list of chores or I'd be in trouble all the time!

Daddy and I were away for nearly four weeks because we went on vacation together, our first one for a long long time. We went to Mexico and it was soooo nice. Our hotel was right by the beach and so we went there almost every day to swim and we also did lots of touristy kinds of stuff, sightseeing around the city (Mazatlan). I will post pictures if I ever figure out how to get them out of my camera. :)

During the holiday Daddy had a lot of time to be a Daddy and that was both wonderful and awful at the same time. I had to wear diapers the whole time and that's something I have mixed feelings about. I mean I love them when it's private and snuggly at bedtime but when you put them with a thin cotton strappy sundress they just don't work. LOL.

So I got lots of little girl time which was fun. He gave me several bubble baths in the hotel tub that was huge like a swimming pool! And there were a lot of afternoon naps which I hate when I'm at home but when you're in Mexico a sleep in the hot part of the afternoon is pretty nice. Also, I got to build castles on the beach and play in the water with Daddy and I loved that so much!

Another thing is that he had a lot of time to devote to discipline so I got spanked pretty regularly. That's another thing that's a mixed blessing. It's something I really don't like when I'm getting it but afterward makes me feel really special and loved. I got spanked for forgetting my sunscreen TWICE, and for leaving my shoes in the doorway, and for dawdling getting ready for bed, and for forgetting my vitamins, and for being late one time when I was at the hotel pool and supposed to come upstairs for lunch. So my bottom was kept really warm the whole time but the good thing was that we were away from home so he didn't have all the scariest of the implements with him and also he couldn't make me cry too loud because of the thin hotel room walls. Soooo that meant mostly old-fashioned over the knee bare bottom spankings with his hand.

Don't get me wrong and think that I don't take those kind of spankings seriously though because I do! Daddy is strong and his hand spankings hurt like CRAZY and they're also LONG, so they still are very effective. I guess they're just not as severe as some of his other punishments that have implements or tying and stuff like that. His hand spankings are more like he's punishing the littlest girl part of me. When he spanks me like that I feel embarrassed and I feel shy like he hasn't seen my bare bottom about a million times before! Those kinds of spankings work because they make me feel like I'm about two years old.

Overall it was a beautiful vacation and when we came home I kissed the dog and said "I missed you!!" and Daddy picked up his whippy cane and kissed it and said the same thing to it!! LOL. I did NOT miss Daddy's cane!

When we got back he said he missed it so much he should probably give me a caning right then just to reacquaint us but I begged him not to and he laughed at me and said he wouldn't do it after all. I think he just likes to know he can make me beg sometimes. :P

Now Daddy is back to work and I have two more days at home before I have to go back. So during that time I have to do a good job around the house and do my chore lists while Daddy is working so he'll be happy with me and leave that dratted cane in the basement where it belongs!!!